I ended up with 20000 in a cashiers check 1000 in my wallet and a bus ticket to my mothers in Norfolk out of the Amtrack station he was planning to still head west camp under the stars on the roundup and then wherever he stopped he would pitch a tent blow up a mattress, Swim in lakes or shower in State and national parks. My husband had warned me to enjoy the show when she opened the folder and several 8x10s fell out showing the deacon going into a motel when he was supposed to be at work with another woman. Misunderstanding What Validation Is He said all he had to do was use the options offered, if he wanted stinking time off. They saw him and his photos land in the Jitny isle with I don't want my nose rubbed in the fact I am a slave without any say in my life. For whatever reason, he's flat-out refusing to consider letting me take a quick nap and then continuing on with our trip as planned and wants to torch the whole thing. Oh, you have a day off? He had worked for the city and was cut back, then ran for city council and went to work in the plant. This is the ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays. 'We can only live and dream. I agree with Windy. He said go ahead start just don't stop he would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave. READ THE RULES. The way they ruin your vacation is that they are either mentally absent and not interested in anything, or they make you feel guilty for not doing something smart. Things that I would do and could do for myself to bring back those nice memories and good feelings of the holidays. So sorry that your enthusiasm has been punctured by your husband. I stepped out of my bedroom right into my husbands chest In a brand new outfit I was going to wear to the dinner that evening, I knew i had to do something to go with the group and started telling my husband I had promised his father to go that evening. It's an expensive computer, money is tight, and there are a few things I really need (that's need, not want). From that feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making your life miserable. He wanted his father and the entire community to know exactly what he thought of us trying to keep him in what place we thought he should be. I was in a conference room in the airport pleading he just give things a chance for a better way than seniority to work and maybe there could still be a chance for us to work things out, His trainee needed that time for his honeymoon with his 4 month pregnant bride. Baby, did you poop? We went back and he's waiting in the suburban making us load our own luggage. His father was yelling never was he so unfair in his life, was his gift really necessary, It was only time off we were asking him to take when it was better for the rest of the community, He said the community could go to hell since he was having to lead the way. Meanwhile I'm stifling my cough (remember, I just worked as hard as he did except I'm actually sick while doing it), wrangling the boys to keep them out of his way, and keeping a happy face on. Another reaction may be that he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to you. She is a whiney drama queen when she is in this crappy state.When your in the midst of it..its sometimes hard to stay calm because she is pushing pushing pushing!! 7. Ruining anothers joy is like a trophy for them. When they see you happy, they may start an argument. What a tool, you can do this thing for the kids! Its called a vacation day not Saturday. I'm constantly sneaking to the bathroom to blow my nose so I don't disturb everyone around me sleeping (husband fell asleep with the kids at 9pm). Is it too much to ask that maybe he be glad for me when I get a chance to relax? I'm only 9 years in (3 married) and I take a mom cation every year minimum 3 days, preferably 5, with our trailer (that I can't drive/tow ) up in the mountains. I want to know what you think about this also: Our wedding anniversary was Nov. 4. You cannot subordinate your pleasure to your husband just because he wants to be dominant. Don't let him pee in your cornflakes My husband used to do this only it was about free time. We go to the zoo, we have fun, but there are a few instances where husband is cranky for seemingly no reason. My husband cannot deal when I take a vacation day without him and its driving me nuts. Reminder to commenters: No. Their behavior is designed to please to appease and counter to control. . Your husband sounds like a total ass that doesn't respect his wife. We invalidate other people by saying they dont feel what they are saying they feel. He dislocated my shoulder and tried to strangle his father to death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express. On vacation, you should also rest. His mother had nearly killed his father with a heavy glass ashtray about getting his good old boys to just jail my husband Telling her he did not care when his last day off was or what the stinking contract said he could have off. Im sure she is miserable now but guess what?. Depending on the type of narcissist,they thrive in chaos for many reasons. He just tossed both by the collar out into the yard refusing any negotiation. I had a go at him about not getting anything for the kids to give me..not even a card- as I think this is absolutely wrong- but he just never does! This is because the disruptions to normal routines and expectations around these events even for other people. There are parties, family events, your friends, your children they dont like that. csfa league table. Tonight he comes home, complains of a headache and storms off to bed. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. Oh boy. He is convinced that he knows everything best and does not take your wishes into account at all, and on vacation, he especially wants everything to be as he wants because how else would he be able to rest. Knowing narcissists try to ruin holidays and you cant control it can help you detach from how they behave. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. By 2009 I was begging still that he could just try the times that were chosen for him by other people he had 34 years in seniority and there were many who had been badly hurt just trying to get him to try other ways. The narcissist may reach out with a call, email or text to wish you happy holidays. His steward told us he had worked his last holiday. What If Your Husband Says You Dont Do Enough Around The House? Like if he had work and I was done everything I needed to do, he would get angry and passive aggressive towards me. the deacon and his church secretary wife put their three kids in the front pew then went and took their seats on the dais She found a folder that instantly set me on edge since it was those used by my husband for photos from his 35 mm. That individual predictably, in his or her unique way, manages to say the wrong thing, act out inappropriately, irritate others, contrives to be the center of attention, nobody needed to die over time off. Man I am exhausted just reading about it! I honestly dont think he realizes he does it. The next morning his mother and I met him to ask what would it take to stop the pain he was causing and he said stop telling him he had no rights like his father kept saying he had no right to over needs, He said that his father. You may have gone no-contact with the narcissist in your life. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, I swear. Good on you, John. Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxietyand sometimes even fear. With every new problem his father just became that much more upset, Not because his oldest son was ill but because he was not working for the betterment of the lives in the community and he considered my husband of no use, since after he acquired the MRSA, He was no longer able to help any one in the community to get their goals met and make him look great. Its crucial to pick the perfect moment to discuss your expenditures, including any mistakes you may have made. Private planes, suites in 5 star hotels, etc. His mother sister and I decided besides the 1300 Euro clock we bought for his Christmas birthday gift we had better have a vacation he would like already in the works. That evening the sheriff told us he was tired of having to answer our calls for help since it was our own fault for interfering in my husbands rights. Fuck everything. I try to see the good. Dont sabotage your holiday for your partner. Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and do all the things that we wouldn't do if we went during the summer (the zoo, a couple parks, renting bikes to ride down the boardwalk, etc). I agree, but ask that we stop to get some ice cream at some point during the ride because my throat is on fire from coughing and sickness and I just want something that will soothe it. As I begged I offered the sex life he had wanted before the Millennial I offered to stand with him over the holidays and call the police if his father sand others did any thing to stop him from taking the time off. Create and Santorini, I was planning to suggest to my husband we could return and go to Egypt, Minorca, a few months after he was sent home from the rehab, and we could find a way to work out everything in the new dynamic of his situation, but we had to do it with a family consensus, I was not allowed to talk to him and instead started seeing a old boyfriend, I felt that the last thirteen years was just a divorce without edict since he hated me and his father and was not going to entertain any peace offering. Husband sighs and insists we HAVE TO check out RIGHT THEN, and when I suggest I call to the front desk and request a late check-out, he says we might as well just go home and cut our trip short by an entire day. And traffic. I bought a lot of those outdoor white holiday lights and planned to create my own Christmas planters. I took off the two months because I could and he couldnt understand why I wasnt enjoying my vacation. I was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the community. I try my best to ignore his attitude and not ruin my and our daughters fun, but he will go to the lengths of making the trip painful, and we always get in a fight about something. Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. MOMS ONLY. Feel free to pm me. Sorry, love. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that persons invalidating bullshit. And it just killed my Christmas spirit. They said he couldnt pay them enough to put up with his bullshit. I had his crying father pleading please don't allow him to be home for the holidays. He bought me roses and actually bought me a gift (he didnt buy me one last year). 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